Thursday, November 7, 2013

How does one tell a ghost he's dead?

Even though I'm not 100% indoctrinated into the twenty-first century way of life, I do have to admit, I have found blogging and the Internet in general very very fascinating.  It was on one of my online journeys when I saw the phrase, "How does one tell a ghost he's dead?" 

I chuckled because in ghostie land you just say it as it is.  You tell a ghost he's dead and that's that.  He's not going to jump out of his ectoplasm and start poltergeisting people.  It's like a reality check.  In fact, it's better in the long run for the spirit to know he's dead than not.

Here's a scenario. 

John's wife, Abigail, died tragically.  Got run over not by reindeer but by the huge Coca-Cola truck that's traveling across the country.  She died instantly.  Oh, there was a big write up in the Ghostly Times about Abigail and how wasn't it ironic she didn't even like Coke.  I imagine she likes it less now.

So, at the moment of her death, the heavens opened up and you had the big white light thing and family up in Heaven all telling her to get her sorry ass off the road and get up there and things will be right again, but she ended up not going.  You have approximately ten seconds or so and that light recedes.  I'll have to check the manual, don't quote me on that.

So Abigail is standing over her dead body and the paramedics are doing their thing to no avail and without success, Abigail's family gave up and the light receded leaving her here on earth without a body and no idea where to go from there.  In the Ghostly Times, it said that she ignored the fact that her body was dead on the road and brushed herself off and headed across the street to the local Wiggly Piggly.  She had dropped her purse but she did have a couple of dollars stashed in her jean pocket and she was dying for a HoHo.

She put the HoHo up on the conveyer belt and watched it roll up to the cashier who proceeded to put it in a bag and hand it to the woman in front of me. 

"That's not mine," the woman retorted.

The cashier shrugged and tossed it in one of the carts that were lined up for returns.

Abigail walked over to the cart, grabbed her HoHo and put it back on the belt.

Well according to The Ghostly Times, the cashier started shrieking kind of dreadful like and the line which was all the way back to the produce department suddenly wasn't there anymore.  Abigail didn't know what else to do so she threw a couple of dollars on the conveyer belt which then set those who were standing around to shrieking themselves, and she walked out the door HoHo in hand.

There was a kindly old man sitting on a bench outside who heard the commotion.  He saw Abigail walking out the door with the HoHo in her hand.  He watched her sit down right beside him and she proceeded to eat her HoHo.

"You know that you're dead," the old man told her.

"Excuse me?" Abigail said, munching down as fast as she could.

"I'm just not sure if you know this," he continued, "but what just happened in that store there is because you're a ghost."

"What do you mean I'm a ghost? If I were a ghost, you wouldn't be able to see me, right?"

"I see dead people."

"Oh, come on now.  That line has been used a million times."

"Think what you may but I see dead people and you're dead and I see you."

According to The Ghostly Times, the woman finished her HoHo, thanked the man and headed down North Main only this time she didn't walk, she flew.

The moral of this story is that no matter what anyone tells you, ghosts do not fear they are dead, they just need to know before they cause more mortals to become ghosts before their time.  And they don't get any brownie points for doing that.


  1. Cute post. Henry is so much fun. You should have visit all those dead celebrities. What would he think of Elvis or Bogart, Spencer Tracy. He would have so much fun in Hollywood.

  2. Thank you my 21st century friend Rebecca for visiting Henri. So Henri Does Hollywood? that anywhere near St. Louis?

  3. I love your attitude, Henry! Can't wait to read your book. :-)

    By the way, great job with the blog! Love the design.